There is no bigger job for the caregiver of a loved one than to be ‘The Great Pretender’. “Pretending, that I’m doing well . . . . weee doo, weee doo.”

For the ‘Pretender’, the daily minutia of wound dressing, medications, meals/feeding, morning & bedtime routines, and overall well-being of the family member is paramount above all personal needs. Their time to wash their face, brush their hair, and prepare for the day occurs after the loved one is set for the day. Their time to go to bed comes after the loved one has long been placed down for the night. They are on call 24/7 and seem to appear from nowhere if they sense the patient has an issue.

Then there are the daily household tasks which more than likely were shared at some level, and may still be, but at a far different ratio than in the past; Laundry, dishes, house cleaning, yard work, etc. All these chores now become of secondary importance to that of the daily life-supporting activities. Getting the floor vacuumed, yea that gets done, but the steps leading outside are questionable; Taking the trash out, sure thing, but going through that old box of ‘stuff’ to see what needs to be tossed doesn’t happen; Mowing the yard, the neighbor kid got it, but getting the flower beds weeded can wait till next year.

In many cases, the caregiver is older just like the patient and in chatting with other ‘pretenders’ I discovered that personal health sometimes gets set aside; an issue with blood pressure, a hip that may need replacing, a stomach that doesn’t seem to settle. All these concerns are minor in the mind of the ‘pretender’ compared to the issues facing the patient. “There just isn’t a good time to leave them alone” is the justification.

Along with all of that, the job of the ‘Pretender’ is to make everything they do look effortless to the loved one. Always with a smile, showing compassion & patients. The pretender’s job is to make sure the loved one never feels like a burden which is the one thing at this point in their life they don’t want to be.

I can’t help but believe that the ‘pretender’ is somehow chosen for the job, whether by chance or by divine intervention. As hard as that may be to wrap your head around, in most cases I see, the caregiver is in the right job for who they are. But, keep in mind, that if the roles were reversed and the ‘pretender’ became the patient, the only thing that would change is the person who says – “Yes, I’m the great pretender; Just laughin’ and gay like the clown” . . . . weee doo, weee doo.

Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.
John 15:13