I’ve shared before, I’m a numbers guy. When we had our business, I loved the bookkeeping, payroll, balance sheets, sales, projections, and anything related to the numbers of the business. So it was natural for me to put Suzanne’s illness into a format that I had some control over; a medium that gave me a quantitative value for our life together both now and the future. If you have been reading along since the start, you’ve seen the numbers I’ve posted but may not know their origins. Well today, I’m explaining them.

Some posts have been titled: Day ### This is the number of days since Suzanne received the diagnosis of throat cancer. The actual day is August 1, 2020, a day that changed our dreams, our lives, our need for each other forever.

November 11, 2020, I arbitrally decided that we plan on living another 25 years together, or 9125 days. Why 25 years? No particular reason, it just seemed like a good number to shoot for. No, I didn’t take into account leap years in my calculations, so just like daylight savings time, I work that into our life as it goes.

Three days ago when we came home from the hospital I started tracking a new number, the number of days in this new and unique life that Suzanne lives in. A life where food will be eaten for pleasure, not sustenance; where speaking is a challenging, frustrating communication method that will continue to evolve; where each day revolves around a clock for medicine, feeding, and wound care; where life will always be dependent on others for that care.

• Day: 223
• Days remaining together: 9017
• Days of our new life: 3

So now you know how the numbers all came to be. But the number that will mean the most to me is the day that the doctors say she is cancer-free. On that day, I’ll erase all the other statistics and focus on just one, the days I spend with the one who has shown me how to fight the fight and live the life that I admire.

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
Lamentations 3:22-23