The morning was going well, stayed in bed a little longer than normal in each other’s arms; had our second cup of coffee; heard the weather for the week ahead; and finished breakfast when the phone rang.

“Good morning daughter” I answered as we proceeded to talk about schedules for the upcoming weeks. What about visits from the grandkids and keeping her safe? How I’ll deal with my mother-in-law’s upcoming cancer surgery next week and fitting that into Suzanne’s schedule. Preparing for the next 18 days and working toward a best-case scenario.

Then she asked, “what if mom called each of your kids phones and we didn’t answer so she could leave a message we could keep?”

My job in life is a very important one; My job is to be the voice of calm and reason; My job is to have arms that wrap my family in comfort; My job is to be that shield of armor that protects my family; My job is to keep everyone affected by this safe and secure; My job is, above all, to ensure my wife has the best care possible; My job has a title that is known worldwide; My job is that of : DAD

Her question definitely put a crack in that armor this morning. It was all I could do to finish the conversation calmly, pull together enough strength not to let her hear me break, and finally disconnect the call into a puddle of tears. I was not ready for my children to be better prepared than me for potential outcomes.

Suzanne was watching from her chair and knew I had been broke. All she could do is wonder what had happened in our conversation. Helpless, she patiently waited for me to bring myself back into the room, and after some time, I shared with her that conversation.

It takes a lot to break through my ‘all business’ mental approach to this huge life crisis. Some may think I’m cold & distant as I explain all the details of events that are yet to unfold. My ability to compartmentalize, to separate out the emotions surrounding the tragedy occurring within my lovely and caring wife is what keeps me sain. And although I do mentally speak to my dad daily, I’m fortunate to have a FATHER whose arms I look to for my safety and security.

What a fellowship, what a joy divine
Leaning on the everlasting arms
What a blessedness, what a peace is mine
Leaning on the everlasting arms

Leaning, leaning
Safe and secure from all alarms
Leaning, leaning
Leaning on the everlasting arms