It’s hard to explain, waking up Christmas morning the other day should have been filled with joy & excitement. The chance to be with family, opening presents, eating more than I should, and just plain having fun.

That’s not what I felt, Christmas was different this year. I woke up with a knot in my stomach that I just couldn’t shake. Not that I didn’t feel well, just one of those uneasy feelings. I continued on with all my morning chores, getting dressed, making sure Christmas breakfast was in the oven, helping Suzanne with her feeding, re-kindle the fire, and Christmas Music on the radio.

Then it hit me, why it seemed so familiar. Christmas day 33 years ago; presents under the tree, family at our house for the day, and a looming doctor appointment to determine where we go from here. You see, it was a couple of days after Christmas in 1987 that we learned Cindy’s cancer had spread to other parts of her body and there was nothing else to be done.

I kept telling myself, this is different. Suzanne’s doctors seem so positive that the tumor has responded well; Suzanne herself is in good spirits and excited about our plans for the future; and friends and family continue to lift us up in prayer.

So why is my ‘Doubting Thomas’ so prevalent today? Why can’t I see that things are so different? Why can’t the knowledge of God’s love for us be enough to carry me through this day?

It’s simple, I’m human. Everyone’s mind has a Star Wars moment and goes to the ‘Dark Side’ once in a while. And as I’ve commented before, past experiences influence everything we think, do, and say.

As the day went on, I was able to shake those feelings. Activity is a great distraction for the mind. Suzanne’s dad arrived to spend the day with his daughter; Kelly & her family were out for breakfast; Justin video called and we exchanged gifts; Jason & his family were up for the afternoon; and Jessie’s family shared with us the day before.

As always, exchanging Christmas gifts with family is a major part of what it’s all about. But most of all, my favorite gift is the gift from God I enjoy every morning when I open my eyes and Suzanne is still next to me.

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.
James 1:17