Today was our usual trip to St. Joseph to take care of Suzanne’s dad. Since this whole COVID thing started, Suzanne decided to check in on him every week. It’s only a 45 min drive that goes quickly as Suzanne reads to me from her cooking magazines looking for the next dish to try and I listen to Pandora Radio.

I love music, all kinds, but Country would be my standard goto; except on Sundays. This day is reserved for a Pandora station I created called ‘Precious Memories’. Modeled after Allan Jackson’s album of the same name, it consists of all old church standards; and if you know me, you know I can’t help but sing along in my usual ‘soft and gentle voice’.

But this last week, I seemed to have lost my voice. I can’t find it in my heart to sing along with the exuberance and joy I usually do. When the chorus begins, I’m not jumping in; and the chorus echo that everyone usually expects to hear from me in church just doesn’t seem to come out.

Music is supposed to stir up feelings, but recently, every song seems to stir up different feelings than I’m used to. Emotions of conflict are there in each verse as I am trying to reconcile my beliefs with this reality that I’m living. Some of the snippets of what I heard today include:

• It is well with my soul
• What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer! 
• and the things of earth will grow strangely dim
• and now I’m happy all the day
• I am weak, but Thou art strong
• In all the world around me I see his loving care
• Content, whatever lot I see

As this journey progresses, and my mind wraps around all that is being thrown at me, I still know that somewhere deep inside there is still ‘Joy, Joy, Joy, Joy Down in my heart’

Oh come, let us sing to the Lord; let us make a joyful noise to the rock of our salvation! Let us come into his presence with thanksgiving; let us make a joyful noise to him with songs of praise!

Psalm 95:1